my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Vodka?
Forever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
