you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
