I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
