we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
