i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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