I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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