when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
