please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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