I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
