I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
