In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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