i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I smell like Dick and happiness
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
