I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
