sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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