also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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