I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
