I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
