it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
that's an acceptable place to lick
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize