You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
