i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
But break dance skills will only take you so far
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
