the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
