I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
