just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
