It's Friday. Sex?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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