his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
