Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
