A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize