question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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