Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
