Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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