I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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