Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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