I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
