Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
