morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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