i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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