Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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