I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
