I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What a dumb baby whore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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