No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
