We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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