I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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