Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
