So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
