Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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