Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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