I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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