i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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