I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
