so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
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he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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