i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize