I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
