I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
