I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
