Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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