Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
