i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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