Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
