We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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